Category: <span>Full Posts</span>

Category: Full Posts

“Checklist,” a blackout poem

What I like about blackout poetry is that it’s sort of an inverted version of pinhole cipher, where a hidden message is concealed in printed matter by pinholes under the words of the real message. I used to make pinhole ciphers on discarded newspapers in cafeterias and coffee shops, just in case someone noticed.

checklist
“Checklist. Smile smile smile smile. Imagine the lie.”

If I had nine lives, I’d use one of them to be a spy who retires and opens a coffee shop.  Preferably, the spy part would be in the early half of the twentieth century, before analogue cryptography was completely outmoded.

With blackout poetry, I can just sort of pretend that someone sent me a secret message and pick out whatever words or syllables interest me.

I didn’t have any particular plan when I did this one, but it’s clear to me that this poem explains how I deal with a lot of social niceties, particularly being asked how I’m doing when I’m not doing well, but I don’t want to say so. Smile, smile, find some sort of lie, and try not to sigh depressively.

Not that I would put on such a charade at my spy coffee shop. I like to think I foster an atmosphere of erudite grumpiness.

The Social Anxiety Flowchart

…for dealing with phone calls badly.  Because some phone calls are tougher than others.   Some phone calls loom before you like a wall of fire, and you just can’t get past them.

Grandma?  Ok, I’ll call Grandma.

Routine work matter?  Done.  Made the call like a champ.  Like a boss.  Like an emperor!

Health insurance issue with numerous complicated variables to go over, but only after you’ve been on hold for thirty minutes and now you have to pee?  And the call is probably being recorded?  And there’s this weird, sound-obscuring scratchiness on the other end, even though you called a land line?

Yeah, I’m a fan of e-mail.

socialanxiety

Sometimes, regular old introversion can veer into anxiety territory.  Lucky for me, I have a friend who understands this.  Together, we came up with a great solution for terrible phone calls.  And a great solution deserves a flowchart.