Going Back to Normal Bingo: COVID-19 Introverted Pessimist Edition

Because it’s not all beach parties and booze, and anyway, screw beach parties and booze.

The text in the squares, if you can’t read it:

Awesome conversations where people ask, “So, what do you do?”

Avoiding eye contact at stores so no one will ask if you need help.

Answering a question with a neurotic non-answer and worrying about it hours later when you realize.

Debating whether to wave at someone you pass in the hallway at work when you already said “hi” to them once that day.

Having no memory of the past weekend when someone asks how it went.

Disengaging from innocuous small talk because you disagree with a basic premise and you don’t want to go all critical essay on someone’s ass.

Going to someone’s house and they apologize for the mess and it’s just a single sweatshirt.

Having someone ask how you’re doing and being uncertain if it’s a is a real question or a form of “hello.”

Biting your tongue when someone misuses the word “literally.”

Walking an extra half mile down the street because you don’t want the amount of social interaction involved in having someone stop for you and waving thanks.

Feeling self-conscious in the store because they’re playing a song you hate but it’s at the exact beats per minute of your walking speed.

Bringing a book to a social event but not getting to read the book.


Actually giving your actual opinion about something for once, and then immediately becoming exhausted when someone asks a follow-up question.

Accidentally wearing something you look nice in so that someone gives you a compliment, which is a form of attention, which is something you don’t want.

Partaking of extra drinks and appetizers at any social event to avoid awkward hovering.

Refusing to ask to stop the car because you don’t want to be the first one to admit they have to pee.

Saying something clever that no one notices, and then everyone laughs five minutes later when it occurs to someone else.

Casual questions that reveal the depth of your incompetence, e. g. “Have you done your taxes yet?”

Nihilism and whatever.

Getting stuck at an event because you car-pooled with someone and they want to stay forever.

Listening to people say, “It’s not the heat, it’s the humidity.”

Not being able to use “but there’s a pandemic” as an excuse to get out of social gatherings.

People freaking out when your digital watch goes off in public because maybe it’s a bomb or something?

Having someone ask you “how many people were there?” as if you weren’t too overwhelmed by them to count.

What’s my reward for staring down my obsessive-compulsive disorder and going inside a Dunkin Donuts during the pandemic, rather than using the drive-thru?

Straws. As many freakin’ straws as I want. And napkins too.

In addition to bakery fire burns, bruised jaws, and deep gashes, I can now add printing acid injuries and goat injuries to the list of bodily traumas I’ve had to Google in my Stars Fall Out research.

I found a site called MoonConnection.com in my Stars Fall Out research. It seems like a nice enough site, but what a waste that it’s just lunar information and not a werewolf dating site.

If I am ever granted three wishes, I shall waste one of them swapping handwriting with one of those people who prints in small caps.

Or a cybernetic arm that does the same thing. I’ve thought about this too much.

Continuing last summer’s re-read of the Dune series by Frank Herbert, I picked up with God Emperor of Dune a few days ago.

My reading choices are often dictated by whim or nostalgia, and so Dune has to be read in the summer, just like the first time I read it.

So far, I’m enjoying the character of Leto II quite a bit. Where Paul Atreides is all doomy and self-important, Leto II is much more fun and quixotic.