I needed a quick bbq sauce recipe that didn’t involve chopping onions. My eyes have become sensitive to the point that chopping half an onion means I need to flee two rooms away for a ten-minute crying break.
The only change I made to this one was to replace the Tabasco sauce with sambal oolek, and quadruple it.
After I made that change, I looked up both hot sauces’ values on the Scoville heat scale. Since I think of Tabasco as a more vinegary sauce, I was surprised that it has a higher value than sambal oolek.
“If I listen to a playlist of children’s new wave songs about trucks at work, will anybody notice?” That’s the question my partner and I have been wondering about (more me because of the nature of my job) now that our kid is obsessed with this song about a cement mixer. Like a disease, it has spread to everyone around her. We all have it stuck in our heads. It goes round and round and round and round…
If this had existed when I was in high school, it’s exactly the kind of thing I would’ve binged-watched just because it’s weird.
You know the scene in Avatar: The Last Airbender when Azula goes to recruit Tai Lee the acrobat for her elite team of fighters by having the ringmaster release all the animals and setting the net on fire?
I have a friend who hasn’t seen as many movies as I have and doesn’t watch everything I watch on Netflix. We get along great otherwise, but they don’t get my references.
I feel like I’m always explaining things like who Pauly Shore is and which Ghostbusters movie had the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man. Usually, I have to clarify that it is not, in fact, “the Pillsbury Doughboy or the Michelin Man or something.”
As extreme as it sounds, this person hasn’t even seen every single sitcom of the eighties and nineties.
The mental exhaustion of this is taking its toll in every area of my life, as unlikely as that may seem.
Please help, Judgmental Advice Column.
Sincerely, Baffled Buff
At times like this, it’s worth nothing that we all have our differences. If all our friends were exactly like us, what would be the point of having friends? Our beauty is in our diversity.
That said, there’s something you need to remember:
If someone hasn’t seen a movie that you like, it says everything about them as a person.
I used to have a friend–let’s call him Ted, which is also Ted Bundy’s first name–who enjoyed the 90s sitcom Step by Step, but didn’t know that Suzanne Somers was in Three’s Company many years before. As you can imagine, this was a horrifying and difficult situation to be in.
I was younger then, and didn’t handle the situation well. It’s still embarrassing to admit that I told him, “You should check out Three’s Company sometime. It’s a classic.” I wince writing this, thinking of how I said nothing to speak out against Ted’s cultural ignorance.
So, here’s my advice to you, Buff:
Don’t listen to this person’s flimsy excuses about not having time or money. Don’t let them fool you with some claptrap about “reading books” or “going hiking with my brother.”
Ask yourself, if the situation were reversed, would you let them say those things to you?
Remember that age is a common excuse for people like this. Only you can say how much leeway you can give this person for having been born ten years before or after you, or for not having lived through the exact circumstances that led you to see each and every movie you’ve seen.
If they haven’t seen that show you always forget you already told them about, remind them that it’s on Netflix. If Netflix has removed the show from their catalog, that is a regret they will have to live with the rest of their life. In this case, you could show them compassion.
But if they say they “still haven’t seen” A Very Important Movie, well, why not? Ask. It might be difficult, but you need to be the one to bring this issue to the light.
Another thing to consider, Buff, is that communication and respect are the foundations of all relationships. You can’t respect someone who uses the wrong preposition when quoting a movie.
You need to correct their misquotes, and let them know that this behavior is not ok with you.
But ultimately? This speaks to the sort of person who can’t be bothered to memorize an entire movie, absorb all the trivia from its IMDB page, and then watch every single other movie that those actors had even a two-second cameo in.
You can do better, Buff. You say this person is your friend, but you shouldn’t have to debase yourself by explaining your references to tertiary characters in Punky Brewster like some kind of animal.
I can’t say if they are beyond redemption–that falls to you alone. But if this person doesn’t remember the names of all the actors who played the Brady Bunch kids…
If they’re incapable of even distinguishing the Ninja Turtles from one another after having only watched the show sometime last century, as if telling apart identical cartoon turtles named after Italian painters isn’t something we all have to do every day…
You may need to think about what, exactly, your common ground is with this person.
You may need to excise them from your life.
You can always replace a friend the way Suzanne Somers was replaced on Three’s Company.
Another great Tegan and Sara song. They came out with a new album a few days ago, and I’ve been binging on their older songs in anticipation all month. Also because my toddler took a liking to them, and always asks for “Sara” now.
The instrumentals of “Shock to my System” remind me of Depeche Mode.