Every time I have to put on my extrovert hat, I am reminded first that it does not fit well, and second that I do not, in fact, own an extrovert hat.
It’s the Social Anxiety Flowchart For Dealing with Phone Calls Badly
Self-preservation determines that I wouldn’t take the last step to walk off a cliff, and I won’t hit the call button either.
I’ll pull out my eyebrows for 2019
When I try to answer the question of whether or not 2019 was a good year, I keep returning to my flagship anxiety problem.
The president of the college where I work and the governor of the state were supposed to come through my office today. One of my first thoughts when I heard they would be coming was basically, “I’d better make sure to have my best playlist on.”
BECAUSE THEY ARE IMPORTANT PEOPLE.
And because they would notice that? Sure. Sure, they would.
They turned out not to be the actual visitors, but I still think putting on your best playlist is good etiquette.
That’s a Kris Problem: when others refuse to use my gender-neutral name
What do you do when others refuse to use your chosen name the instant someone who ranks higher in the patriarchy shows up with the same name?
Self-care is walking away to use the bathroom when you’re in a conversation you can’t escape, even if the other person is still talking.
The Mom Box
I now exist in the narrow construct of The Mom Box, where my entire identity is filtered through a set of assumptions about mothers and motherhood, and it’s surprising that I eat food and have opinions.
Save the phrase “It’s just politics” for things like low-blow campaign ads and candidates fighting on Twitter. When you use it in reference to issues that impact other people’s lives, you reveal not only that these things don’t apply to your life, but also that you have a woefully narrow perspective.
Lying about… artist Ellsworth Kelly
When I bought Ellsworth Kelly stamps at the post office, I lied and pretended I knew who he was. The clerk expressed his surprise that they’d put out the Kelly stamps so quickly–he’d died fairly recently.
“Oh, that’s true,” I said.
In college, the teachings of Socrates inspired me to stop pretending I knew things in order to look smarter. Instead, I decided to just ask. I might look ignorant, but it would be better for me in the long term.
Asking is better than looking something up online later; you get a human perspective that’s missing from Wikipedia. Sometimes, also, you realize that other people don’t always know what they’re talking about.
Since I didn’t ask the clerk, I had to look up Ellsworth Kelly myself.
Kelly led a long life, made tons of art, and passed away in 2015. The single awesomest thing I learned about him? He was part of a WWII unit called “The Ghost Army,” which deceived the Germans into thinking there were allied armies where there were none. PBS made a documentary about it–I know the next documentary I’m watching.
More on skipping dessert
No. I don’t want dessert (an open letter).
How to Politely Pass on Dessert
I found both of these articles after I wrote “Are you sure you don’t want any?” Both the author and commenters on “How to Politely Pass on Dessert” are apparently much more considerate than I am–I hadn’t been thinking of this situation as a difficult one, just an annoying one. I expect others to accept a no-frills “no, thank you” as an answer. Not only do I not owe anyone an explanation, I’ve learned that it’s worse to give one–people try to counter your reasons, which is annoying when you have more than one reason, or just want to pass on dessert without telling someone your entire life story, dessert preferences, and digestive health. The article does have some good tips for people who aren’t quite as socially obtuse and uncompromising as I am.
The open letter spoke to me a lot more. I ended up focusing my own piece on the social aspects of one particular question, but a lot of what he wrote echoes parts that I took out of mine. In short: I’m picky about food, and I’m just not going to bother eating something unhealthy if I don’t truly love it.
Are you sure you don’t want any?
It’s not about the cake. It’s not about the calories or sugar, or even the wheat. It’s about you questioning my decision, which is among the most inconsequential decisions I will make in my life.
Snowfall
Snowfall mutes the world. It dulls the machinescape that is modern life, even in a small town. It makes familiar places foreign while softening rough edges and concealing the ugly and the industrial. Walking through …