Tag: <span>graphics</span>

Tag: graphics

Mushrooms: the danger at the grocery store

My partner posted an anti-brussels sprouts infographic on his facebook, and I retaliated in the only way I know how: by attacking what he loves most with an infographic of my own. It’s 2016. In this day and age, there should be more factual, heavily-researched, and completely not-made-up information about mushrooms.

mushrooms

The text, if you can’t read it:

All about Mushrooms

Learn about the danger at the grocery store.
Leave mushrooms in the forest and in drawings of fairies.
Punch anyone who pressures you into mushroom pizza.

Did you know that 60% of American pizzas need to be disposed of each year due to mushroom contamination occuring when a stray mushroom slips onto a pizza half that was supposed to be only pepperoni?

78% of tantrums thrown by 91% of children ages 4-12 are caused by mushrooms. The resultant elevated stress levels in parents, siblings, and adjacent restaurant-goers have been linked to increased rates of depression, anxiety, heart attack, stroke, diabetes, and leprosy.

There are thousands of different types of mushrooms, and only a small percent are technically edible. The rest will cause the following types of fatalities: literal, spiritual, emotional, textural, imagined, and hoped-for.

Nintendo is in the pocket of Big Mushroom and has received billions of dollars since the mid-1980s to promote a mushroom-positive attitude in their games.

Anecdotal evidence suggests that most serial killers have in common an experience of uncertainty concerning whether or not an eggroll has mushroom in it.


The Social Anxiety Flowchart

…for dealing with phone calls badly.  Because some phone calls are tougher than others.   Some phone calls loom before you like a wall of fire, and you just can’t get past them.

Grandma?  Ok, I’ll call Grandma.

Routine work matter?  Done.  Made the call like a champ.  Like a boss.  Like an emperor!

Health insurance issue with numerous complicated variables to go over, but only after you’ve been on hold for thirty minutes and now you have to pee?  And the call is probably being recorded?  And there’s this weird, sound-obscuring scratchiness on the other end, even though you called a land line?

Yeah, I’m a fan of e-mail.

socialanxiety

Sometimes, regular old introversion can veer into anxiety territory.  Lucky for me, I have a friend who understands this.  Together, we came up with a great solution for terrible phone calls.  And a great solution deserves a flowchart.

The camera ate my color

Perception and memory interest me.

I took the first photo at the community garden where my partner has a plot, and it looks much duller than I remembered. This became even more obvious when I sliced off the top to use for my website’s header.

Part of the blame for that falls to my digital camera, which does poorly with low light and action, and is also skittish around children and wolves.

Part of it has to do with my own perception. How can a flat picture on a screen compare to standing on a hill at the onset of a cool spring night, the air rich with plant smells? I’m sure the sum total of impressions from my other senses influenced my memory.

I punched up the color in this picture three times. While the first picture is the one I took, and the third one matches my memory, the second one might be closer to reality. The fourth one isn’t quite hyperreal, but it looks more like an idealized, imagined sunset.

Even though number two is probably most accurate, three is more truthful in a way. It still can’t capture the energy of being alive with cold wind in your face, but the extra vibrancy conveys a bit more of the energy I remember.

They say that cameras don’t lie. But that depends.  Do you count a lie of omission as a lie?

Flower inspiration message

"Optimism is an opiate harvested from cheery delusions" flower picture.

Today I had a wonderful morning, and went into the afternoon with high hopes.  And what do high hopes lead to?  Disappointment.

I was going to post this as a facebook status, but the stark naked words looked kind of dramatic.  Hence, I have turned my grumpy sentiment of the day into a flower inspiration message.  I don’t know what kind of plant that is, even though the photo is one out of a gazillion photos I took at the botanical garden just last month.  The flowers look like upside down trumpets, which makes it inspirational.