Tag: <span>humor</span>

Tag: humor

Just because Trump is out of office doesn’t mean we can’t enjoy the Trump Ipsum placeholder text generator a little longer.

I don’t think anybody knows it was Russia that wrote Lorem Ipsum, but I don’t know, maybe it was. It could be Russia, but it could also be China. It could also be lots of other people. It also could be some wordsmith sitting on their bed that weights 400 pounds. Ok? We are going to make placeholder text great again. Greater than ever before. The other thing with Lorem Ipsum is that you have to take out its family.

Mushrooms: the danger at the grocery store

My partner posted an anti-brussels sprouts infographic on his facebook, and I retaliated in the only way I know how: by attacking what he loves most with an infographic of my own. It’s 2016. In this day and age, there should be more factual, heavily-researched, and completely not-made-up information about mushrooms.

mushrooms

The text, if you can’t read it:

All about Mushrooms

Learn about the danger at the grocery store.
Leave mushrooms in the forest and in drawings of fairies.
Punch anyone who pressures you into mushroom pizza.

Did you know that 60% of American pizzas need to be disposed of each year due to mushroom contamination occuring when a stray mushroom slips onto a pizza half that was supposed to be only pepperoni?

78% of tantrums thrown by 91% of children ages 4-12 are caused by mushrooms. The resultant elevated stress levels in parents, siblings, and adjacent restaurant-goers have been linked to increased rates of depression, anxiety, heart attack, stroke, diabetes, and leprosy.

There are thousands of different types of mushrooms, and only a small percent are technically edible. The rest will cause the following types of fatalities: literal, spiritual, emotional, textural, imagined, and hoped-for.

Nintendo is in the pocket of Big Mushroom and has received billions of dollars since the mid-1980s to promote a mushroom-positive attitude in their games.

Anecdotal evidence suggests that most serial killers have in common an experience of uncertainty concerning whether or not an eggroll has mushroom in it.


Flower inspiration message

"Optimism is an opiate harvested from cheery delusions" flower picture.

Today I had a wonderful morning, and went into the afternoon with high hopes.  And what do high hopes lead to?  Disappointment.

I was going to post this as a facebook status, but the stark naked words looked kind of dramatic.  Hence, I have turned my grumpy sentiment of the day into a flower inspiration message.  I don’t know what kind of plant that is, even though the photo is one out of a gazillion photos I took at the botanical garden just last month.  The flowers look like upside down trumpets, which makes it inspirational.